It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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