Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I puked a lego.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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