How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
