how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
