I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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