I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
