Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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