well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
