Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
