is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
