When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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