I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
