Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
