Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
