oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
