ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk is not a location!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
