Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
