So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
