He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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