woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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