Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
