Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
