I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm just crazy horny about you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
