i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
