Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
