So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
