He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
