He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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