Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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