So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
