there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
