Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want her autograph on my taint
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
