Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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