She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
