He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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