She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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