420 ftw
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
