Please, let me fuck your mom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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