Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
