Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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