the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
