not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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