Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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