Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
