i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
