i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
