That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
