the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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