I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
third nipple confirmed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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