girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
